feelin' sympathy...

but whose gonna feel sorry fer me??? NO ONE!!!

sat on this chair gazing through this colored glass box, thinking to myself what the F*** is wrong with me??? y do i always get involved in this kinda situation? did i intend to do this? y in the world i did that? y do i haf to be so comfortable with everybody? honest to goodness i had no intention to make him feel like that...honest to goodness all i wanted was just to be his friend, nothing more and nothing less. it was all good before he showed up, i mean now its like plus one more headache. but what can i do??? he's my friend too, i can't just back him off just like that... but now that we're friends and meeting up often for bfst and lunch, he has all these 'head-over-heel' feelings...ughhh!!!

now it's like i can't stay away coz i feel like it's a lil too late. while i'm feelin' sorry & sympathical for his situation, here he is taking all advantages he can afford to see me. takin' every advantage he could to get 'close' to me. takin' every advantage he could to talk about 'certain issues' with me. it's like being in a situation that u hate the most but yet u can't afford to let go coz u were thinking that there must be something wrong with this person - in the head like kookoo kinda thing. the thing is that i know he's already 'hot' when he talks to me. how did i figured that??? apparently, its always like that...i mean last time when i was with him, he was so kind enough to let me know that.

i enjoy having ppl accompany me. making me feel important. making me feel that i'm belonged. but i'm so tired of being important and being needed in 'that' way. i enjoy talking to ppl. making ppl happy. understand their situation. but i don't want them to be 'turned on' when they're with me. it's just so tiring to have them staring at your boobs when u wanted them to listen. it's so tiring to have them looking at you from head-to-toe. it's tiring that the topics is always leading to X-rated conversation. it's freaky that each time u tried to walk with them side-by-side as a friend, they'd always tried to bumped into u, trying to walk close to u, can't walk straight, always trying to whisper to you even though it's not necessary. is SEX the only thing they'd think about when they're with me??? is SEX the only thing on their mind when their talking to me??? is looking at my boobs more interesting than the topic we're discussing???

why is that when i feel sorry for someone, they'd tend to take advantage of the situation? i'm tired...so tired...